Monday, May 16, 2016

Wanting this much makes me hate myself. 
I fight against illogical desires and 
Aim to avoid getting my hopes up
And I had gotten pretty fucking good at it
And now you are back in my life
And thoughts of you make the blood
Rush to my flesh, 
Leave me dizzy and unable to think
Clearly, to see clearly,
To avoid arching my back and 
Whispering fuck 
Alone in my kitchen as I try to return
Myself to a homeostasis that I can work from
Breathe from without gasping. 
I've gotten so good at not getting my hopes up
Letting myself settle into my power
And seeping out into the attainable
To not look ahead and rush 
And now that hard won self control
Is puddled around me, 
Back pressed against hard reality
Trying to bring myself
Back to earth, level my breathing
Slow my blood and approach you
With my will intact. 
I have willed my spine into steel
And still had you before
So why is my back gone
Rounded without you from your thoughts?