Years of giving up on myself
subliminating all the parts
that were not in my sight to control
to make my idea of you

your destiny mighter than my ability to stay in stride
So I dropped out of the race these years ago
to find my own path out and up,

and now I catch sight of you across the ridge line
Pulling out ahead on a different path
and I have to stop myself again from the mighty inhale
that predates the exhale
That would be my calling out for you.

I'm the girl you take home to mama
right before you bring her your future wife
The one you brought to your cousin's wedding
but forgot to invite to your own.

I should have forgotten about forever
again
because I"m never more than expectation
And I'm trying to refrain from being jaded
this time
But we both know I'm the same girl again.

I don't know what my expectations are
(Self delusion and hope springs eternal in youth)
when I'm the secret you try to have
right before you learned which were yours to keep.

I should know better than forever
this time
because I'm always short of expectations
And I'm sitting at the bar Jaded
Again
Because I'm the girl singing the same refrain.

I'm the last grasp at youth
while you make the step into maturity
and the last coat you shed
from the days of foolish youth

Forever knows you better than I
Again
and expectations know me better than you
One last Jaded cigarette for now
this time
Refraining from looking for the next boy.