I am nobody.

I walk the hall of many places

the streets of blooming and barren cities

and the molding of rooms full and empty

is my footpath.

These are not new haunts, or lurks, for me;

I have sat in the shadows of giants,

nursed at the teet of revolutions,

And spoken into the ear of power there

from my beige on beige perches and portals.

Those who possess kind words leave only

sheer slugs trails of personal expression and experience

My near invisibility intact when I, seated, am near

when the exchange of profession and proclamations

of projects produced are rung out.

My history, footprints, leave no trace there

and there is no reminders as to where I have tread.

BMI- Or...

BMI-

Or how your Denial of another girl's weight because she looks thinner proves my point.

The other day, I showed you a slide show

that I had seen.

It was of men and women- and

for humor's sake, a cat-

and listed their BMIs, along with their Heights

and Weights- or should I say, the components that

are used to calculate BMI.

To my horror, you agreed every time

a beautiful young woman

was labeled OBESE or MORBIDLY OBESE

or even OVERWEIGHT.

Until we reached her, a short young lady

with largish breasts and a bright label of OBESE

above her photo.

"She's OBESE? No she isn't, where are you

getting this???" you say.

I point to where her height (5'3") and

Weight (170lbs) is listed.

"That must be an old photo of her, there is no way that

she could possibly weight 170lbs!" and your denial of this

reality is a lead sinker to me.

"This," I explain, "is a photo project in which

people wer asked to submit

a photo of themselves and height and

weight at the time the

photo was taken. The point is that BMI is flawed.

That it has no conistent baring on the health of the subjects

and numbers don't predict a person"

You sputter then, and start to say that there

must be some reason why

the standard is still used- some proper data

must be recorded and consistent.

It takes me a long time to get you to understand that

BMI is a formula that is determined after recording Height and Weight

and that there is no reason

For this standard to keep on other than label someone's

fitness, for which purpose

it is useless- the point of this whole ordeal of

showing it to you.

This is after ramblings about measurements of necks waists

and heads- none of which are considered when little girls are given

a BMI in elementary school.

Little girls, just starting to mature, in a nurse's office with

a handful of other little girls

being measured and weighed on the mantis like scales

that always occupy that space.

As they step off the scales, and the school nurse tells her to put

her shoes back on as she calculates and then "publically" declares her

"Overweight" or even "Obese"

Maybe this isn't true anymore- I hope not, this public shaming of our

bodies just as they begin

to change and grow in ways we are trying to understand. I hope that

even if she is labeled "normal"

(which usage of the word is inaccurate) my niece is never made to

be given a label in the same small crowded spaces where I was shamed with

my body- height and weight.

Articulate

It is confusing when you say it-

Articulate.

Every time I hear it, I think

that maybe I do not understand the word

because it is not my experience of

how things rush out.

"1 divided into words or syllables meaningfully arranged"

Attempted.

I struggle to arrange these words

with only a "book" knowing of how they might mean

never knowing truly the meaning it is

arranging itself for you.

"2 Able to Speak" Sometimes or maybe even

Usually.

More often than I say, My thoughts

will not come into words, leaving me silently

wanting, tongue still yet wanting to

articulate out the within.

"3 expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively"

Hardly.

The words are sought for bitterly,

struggled with, and always- always- found lacking

in the ability of that first charge of

"expressing oneself"

Often these words are unwilling, jumbled, and ineffective to

Expound

the ideas that drive them;

my voice does not air readily the frustrations

laying between my thoughts and tongue

so you:

Fail to see the desperation of grasping for my words

Oblivious.

Failing to factor in affect

inconsistently portrayed, and routinely unprojected are

an accuracy of the emotion within, displaced

from line of sight.

That you do not hear my struggles does not mean they don't

Exist.

That I fail to emote them does not

end them. Just because you see meaning and effectiveness

does not mean that it is always as my

Intended pattern.