Wednesday, September 1, 2010


It is confusing when you say it-
Every time I hear it, I think
that maybe I do not understand the word
because it is not my experience of
how things rush out.

"1 divided into words or syllables meaningfully arranged"
I struggle to arrange these words
with only a "book" knowing of how they might mean
never knowing truly the meaning it is
arranging itself for you.

"2 Able to Speak" Sometimes or maybe even
More often than I say, My thoughts
will not come into words, leaving me silently
wanting, tongue still yet wanting to
articulate out the within.

"3 expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively"
The words are sought for bitterly,
struggled with, and always- always- found lacking
in the ability of that first charge of
"expressing oneself"

Often these words are unwilling, jumbled, and ineffective to
the ideas that drive them;
my voice does not air readily the frustrations
laying between my thoughts and tongue
so you:

Fail to see the desperation of grasping for my words
Failing to factor in affect
inconsistently portrayed, and routinely unprojected are
an accuracy of the emotion within, displaced
from line of sight.

That you do not hear my struggles does not mean they don't
That I fail to emote them does not
end them. Just because you see meaning and effectiveness
does not mean that it is always as my
Intended pattern.

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