Years of giving up on myself
subliminating all the parts
that were not in my sight to control
to make my idea of you

your destiny mighter than my ability to stay in stride
So I dropped out of the race these years ago
to find my own path out and up,

and now I catch sight of you across the ridge line
Pulling out ahead on a different path
and I have to stop myself again from the mighty inhale
that predates the exhale
That would be my calling out for you.

I'm the girl you take home to mama
right before you bring her your future wife
The one you brought to your cousin's wedding
but forgot to invite to your own.

I should have forgotten about forever
again
because I"m never more than expectation
And I'm trying to refrain from being jaded
this time
But we both know I'm the same girl again.

I don't know what my expectations are
(Self delusion and hope springs eternal in youth)
when I'm the secret you try to have
right before you learned which were yours to keep.

I should know better than forever
this time
because I'm always short of expectations
And I'm sitting at the bar Jaded
Again
Because I'm the girl singing the same refrain.

I'm the last grasp at youth
while you make the step into maturity
and the last coat you shed
from the days of foolish youth

Forever knows you better than I
Again
and expectations know me better than you
One last Jaded cigarette for now
this time
Refraining from looking for the next boy.

Contortions

My tongue is stilled
contorted in my mouth
when it comes time to question
you and your failure to communicate

But when I take you at your word
It proves a poor foundation
for my over expectations
Once Again

And I know This isn't the end
this over complicated frustratin situation
And I know that I should have gotten off this train a while ago
but I can't
Give On you.

This sort of Friendship ain't good for the soul
But Leavin this thing ain't good for my heart.
Too many years maintaining this bond
So when it bends bows nearly breaks me
I've no choice but to follow and

Contort.

I have a -
well, I'm not sure of the words, but in my mind it is a progression
that falls down
a good bit like one of the old visualizers

"Rainbow rainfall"
or something equally nonsensical

so really it is a specific song
the introduction in a movement that
really is like rainfall
but vacillating between
a set range of cool colors
never quite reaching a warmer range of spectrum.

The movement is connected to a concept
(conceptualize the capitalization
self contained in the conniving conjecture
coordinated between consultations)
in a separate movement of the song

But this difference in timing
unites desperate.

Spewing of Thoughts On: Age

There is more to me than my age.

An age group does not define
My taste in musical score
What shows I follow
or those that bore me.

It does not define what I was to do with my life
or my political agenda
Which way I'll vote and who I'll boo
and fight for.

My age does not mean that I'm attracted to the current trends.

It does not mean that I prefer
The over produced and faux empowerment
marketed towards a coveted age bracket.

It does not mean that Post-Punk is dead
by the hands of neo-punk
as far as my music library goes.

Nor does it mean that Neo-punk
has no place there.

My age doesn't mean I'd prefer Vampires that sparkle
over Stoker's predator-
though both carry a thread of romanticism
that neither side wants to see in the other.

(Though I must say,
There's something to be said about the vampire in between,
the Dracula of the 1990's and his overt sexuality,
rather than that of the 1890's and his overt threat.)

Don't assume that I don't know your favorite band
just because they broke before I hit puberty
or even before I was born.

Who is to say that my favorite
didn't breakup before you knew the difference
between now and then?

After all, they do say that to
assume
makes an ass out of you
and me.